Have you wondered why you love someone! What is it exactly that captured your imagination. There maybe someone who is more beautiful or sexy who you could have fallen for but why did you fall for this man or women particularly?
Understanding memory and pleasure
To know how memory creates love. You first need to see the movement of memory. Movement of memory is also time.
Let me explain how movement of memory is time.
Suppose you went for a vacation and saw something beautiful like a beautiful tree or a sunset. Now you loved the beautiful scene so much that you crave to go back to the same place again and again to get the same experience of pleasure.
This means in your mind you are travelling from your present state to that past where you experience the pleasure, the bliss of the beautiful sunset. When you see something beautiful, you are having an out of body experience. It is like you are watching yourself watching that beautiful sunset, tree or a love interest or even a close friend.
When you have such a out of body experience you are in an egoless state. That means you don’t identify with any of your labels. For eg, You are not the work you do, you are not the talented musician or a writer. You are just BEING and watching the cosmos.
You love the person who you remember fondly
Now, this magic of the out of body experience with someone is repeated everytime you are with this person the more pleasure your system gets loaded with this love chemical, lets say it is oxytocin.
The flip side of this love, is that is a byproduct of the pleasure created by the out of body experience or witnessing existence. Soon when being with this person become normalised by marriage etc. You feel that the magic is not there anymore. You are disillusioned and now seek the same experience in some other person. This cycle repeats till you give up and accept a life of mundane mediocrity unless you have infinite pool of wealth.
How to avoid pain in love
Now imagine, you still experience the bliss egoless state or of the out of body experience. It is amazing feeling and this is what makes life worthwhile, not cars or big houses or money in the bank.
The trick is not to create a memory of this and turn it into pleasure. Enjoy the experience not expect the same thing again and again. Let these experiences be serendipitous showers of grace.
I hope this helps you deal with the pain of relationships. I am trying to forget stuff and people I meet and not form memories. I will keep you posted on how it works out for me.