Kya Sab Kuch Bikta Hai? (Does everyone have a price?)

Everything is for Sale except human spirit. But if you want to buy someone, here is the workflow.

How to Buy a person.

This isn’t as simple as it sounds. Bribing has to be covert and not overt as you are a white collar executive and not some low lying footpath stall owner. You need to study the weakness of the person. In the sense you need to see what are his needs.

Is he struggling to make ends meet? Then you can get away with a small bribe. Such people are cheap and plentiful in our country. You will often find them in government offices taking only a small percentage of your bribe and then passing the buck upwards to their big bosses.

The price of the bribe goes up as the needs of the individual goes up in the maslow’s heiracrchy. Below is the diagram.

Self-Actualization People Nahee Kareed Sakte ( Not for Sale)

So the problem happens when people start thinking they are self-actualised. (Read people who are highly deluded by their own Integrity). But I have solutions on how to deal with these people also. Below are some steps on how to buy these people.

They don’t care for money, so fear is your next best tool.

Step 1 - Threathen them Economic ruin and destituion.

For people down in the social ladder who are on edge of poverty, this is very effective. They will turn from lions to rats in no time. Ofcourse since you are a white collar gunda, you will need to sugar coat the threat in language which appears well meaning and introspective, but which will scare the shit of this kinda dude’s pants!

Step 2 - Reputation and Social Status Damage

There are people who have repuation and social status are the easiest people to cow down. Snatch away their top cleints and their business will start slowly going to the dogs. As they see their dreams of their childrens foreign education getting washed away in their tears. You can push in your demand and you can get a great deal.

Step 3 - Threaten Physical Violence

This is the poorest class and they are the worst people to obey orders. Only physical violence works with them. Since you are a white collar gunda, don’t hire a gunda, but use your connections with the police to do the job. The police are eager to use their danda as the AK-47 are all rusting.

Once, this guy has got enough danda in a lockup. Tell him your demand, he will be your pet dog for the rest of his life.

Step 4 - The Martyr Types

There are some rare people who just don’t cow to fear. These are people who become Shaheed’s. They die young for their cause and ideals. But you have nothing to fear, as a dead person is not enough of a threat, just order some phool mala (Bouquet of Flowers) for his resting place.